I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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