I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
they need to just BURY HIM!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
