this beer tastes like vomit already
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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