I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
