i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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