Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
