How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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