What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
