the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
