After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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