literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
