Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You pole danced in your parka.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
