Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
