I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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