this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
