Apparently you make a good broom.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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