then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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