this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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