Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
