There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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