I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
