She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize