then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
