this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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