the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
