i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
