i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
