I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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