Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
