I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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