Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
