i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
