Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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