look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
