at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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