Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
