Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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