i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
