Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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