cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
