Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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