3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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