Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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