Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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