Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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