This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are two peas in an std pod
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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