Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
