I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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