remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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