So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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