i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I touched a dick in church today
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
