let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
