so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
