Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
