She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
PANTIES FOUND
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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