I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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