When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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