Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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