Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize