i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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