im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
