If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
