Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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