remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
