I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
