I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
