i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
